Legless, the term commonly used for drunks came about during the first World War. A scrawny boy soldier in the trenches was suffering from a nasty case of shock, when him commanding officers decided he needed a stiff drink. They gave him some of the home brew that was made in that time, which everyone knows is incredibly strong. Shortly after, the entirety of this particular trench was told to go 'over the top' in a mission to return some of this sweet sweet liquer that had been stolen the previous day. This boy, was far to drunk to do so, but tried anyway. He was stumbling around in no mans land when some german soldiers shot both of his legs clean of. This boy was immediately immobalised, but instead of screaming with pain, was singing a song similar to 'Knees Up Mother Brown', his commanding officers spoted him, and said to one another 'Look at that legless drunk.', hence the term.

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Being legless, or drunk, originated in 13th century Chester. In order to repel Welsh raids, it was important for all men able to handle a longbow to be ready for action at any time of day or night. After a particularly lax defence of the city, in which the mayor had his finest robes pierced by no less than thirty-eight ineptly fired arrows, the drinking of 'stronge ales, liqors or other brewd drinkes (ande we neede to include bye name Mrs Filbert's finne scrumpie, whiche is finne indeede but doth sende menn blinde, or so itt is saide)' was banned by mayoral fiat.

Why an Italian car of dubious build quality was felt to be more effective than passing a law is a mystery lost to the ages, but we do know the punishment was having your legs chopped off - and then being left to run away from the Welsh on your own next time.

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In the early 300's before gold was invented the most common form of currency was based around the avianarboreal system.
the denominations were as follows:
5 birds near an elephant = 4 aspidistras in a beaker

3 birds hangin on a street corner = 2 bedraggled orchids

2 birds in a bush= one bird in your hand
Thats what my history teacher said anyway

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Originally, of course, she sold something else entirely to lonely seamen. Once the police started looking suspicious, however, she had to arrange some kind of front to ensure respectability. It's the nautical equivalent of those provincial arcade shops that put china in the window to disguise the true nature of their business...

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Nights out in Newcastle are frequently disappointing, mostly due to the quality of the talent on offer. However, if you're really desperate and have no shame, there's nowhere better.

The phrase 'gone to the dogs' originates in Gateshead, when if somebody's lovelife was particularly poor he'd have no option but to head to the other side of the river (where a black and white striped shirt and miniskirt are the height of sartorial elegance, and the cold wind leaves women with skin the whose texture is that of a cheese grater with acne).

From extension, anything else that was having a poor time was said to be 'going to the dogs'.

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This origin dates back to 1973. At the time, the animal liberation front were in desperate need of members to boost their ranks, and were accepting anyone into the fold. What they didn't count on was Jethro "I love cemtex" Thornton wanting to help them out. Reluctantly they accepted and explained to Jethro what their organisation was about.

Now, Jethro wasn't too bright and only really grasped the idea of setting animals free. The whole prevention of cruelty thing was way beyond his understanding. On the night of May 15th 1973, Jethro set about his first and last act of animal liberation; he planted bombs in every pet store in town. At exactly 11:37pm the bombs all detonated and cats, dogs, hamsters, rabbits, guinea pigs and goldfish fell from the sky for miles around. Or at least parts of them did.

Although we all remember the story and the expression "raining cats and dogs" lives on, what few remember is the poor souls that had to clean up the streets the next day.

Remarkably, one animal survived the explosions. A small mongrel puppy that was adopted by a family and named Lucky. The following day, Lucky was hit by a car.

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